My God view for you: God did not make a mistake in creating you, even if your parents think they did. God did not make a mistake when He created you - I cannot say that enough. Know with every breath, God is saying to you that He still has faith in the success and strength of His creation - YOU.
Tears dry. Scars heal. Pain subsides. Sometimes the hardest part of living is not what we have gone through, but dealing with the residual memories and pain. We survived the violence, sickness, mental and emotional illness, death of loved ones, loss, poverty, homelessness, heartache, unemployment, and so much more. Now, we have to survive survival. Now, we need to live past what happened and live on. That is the hardest part. Why? Because, we choose to live in the past. We lock ourselves into a space where we continually relive what we experienced. We heap on every hurt or difficult after that traumatic experience making it feel as if life is one big painful moment. We forget the laughter. We forget the successes, We forget the loves that did not lead to pain. All we remember is the pain. So, we stand, feeling alone, in pain, and like there is nothing left to life but death. Well, there is more to life!
You are what is more to life. You need you! You need to recognize that you did not die because you were created strong enough to live. You are still alive because you refused to give up. Why give up now? I pour out my heart in my book, I AM MORE! Surviving Survival, discussing suicidal feelings and thoughts. It was the toughest part of the book to write. I had to once again relive many of my pains and traumas, this time for the right reasons. So, hopefully, someone else would stop reliving theirs. I wanted you to know that you can even survive yourself, as I survived myself.
What you are going through is not the end for you. Life does go on. You will laugh. You will experience love. You will be successful. The only thing that will prevent any of it is you. Put as much energy into planning your life, as you do plotting your own death. You may be thinking, "But, I made so many mistakes and now I will have to live with the consequences of those mistakes for the rest of my life." That may very well be true. I want to expand your thinking - NOT ALL CONSEQUENCES ARE BAD. Detours, otherwise known as "mistakes," take you another route; but, they do not end your journey. It may be more difficult than it would have been, but success is possible. If may take a bit longer to reach that goal, but it is still attainable. You no longer have control over the mistakes you made. YOU DO HAVE CONTROL over the decisions you make now and in the future. You can work your mistakes to your benefit.
Lastly, I want you to see the past for what it is. The people that hurt you, the things that happened to you, the losses you experienced are all in the past. They are a part of you, but they are not your whole life. DO NOT LET THE PEOPLE WHO HURT YOU FINISH WHAT THEY STARTED! Don't destroy yourself! Don't let them win! You got this! God has you! You are a success in progress. You already survived all that happened to you - keep surviving!
My personal motto will also work for you.
Declare, "I AM MORE!"
Declare, "I am no longer a product of my past; I am a facilitator of my future!"
From my heart to yours,